Is it Really that Simple?
Why is it so difficult for moms to admit they need help?
Why is it so difficult for moms to get help?
Failure – Failure – Failure
Moms don’t want to feel weak.
Moms don’t want to feel like they can’t “do it all.”
But why – why do moms carry so much weight on their shoulders? Why is it so hard to take a step back and focus on ourselves?
We Have No Days Off
And yes- before the comments start – we did sign up to be parents the second we made the decision to have a child. That doesn’t mean we can’t bitch about motherhood.
Even when we are not physically with our child or children, we are always mom.
We are never truly able to relax like we did prior to having children.
We adapt.
We learn how to “function” to the best of our abilities, 24 hours a day.
Finding the “right” way to cope with exhaustion, stress, feeling overwhelmed, and just being “mom” is draining.
How do I Know When to Ask for Help?
Well, this is a loaded question.
There isn’t a right answer.
The “right” time doesn’t exist.
Mothers will always make an excuse not to put themselves first – it’s innate and this cycle, this belief, takes an inordinate amount of time to fix.
Even when we try to better ourselves, whether it be an hour of fitness, dinner with friends, quiet reading time or providing, the guilt is there. The guilt of not spending every second with your child.
Will I miss a milestone?
Will my kids resent me for working?
Will my kids understand why Mommy needs to “not just be a mom?”
Are You Starting to Get It?
And I haven’t even broached the past two years.
Living through a pandemic as a mother is some real life fuck you bullshit.
Since March of 2020 moms have experienced more exhaustion, stress and burnout than ever before.
In an interview for SheKnows, clinical psychologist and director of the Center for CBT in New York City, Elizabeth Cohen shares that, “In the beginning, as moms always do in a crisis, we were able to hunker down and do a lot more self-sacrificing. But now moms are telling me, ‘I should be used to it, I should have this all together. Why am I so depressed?’ But we don’t get used to trauma—that would be biologically unhealthy. As people, we have many parts; motherhood is just one. But because of COVID, the other parts of us — the working part, the sensual part, the friendship part — have become so much smaller. Mothering, at least for me, is causing me to fall to my knees at times. Our gas tanks are just empty.”
We Need Help
From our partners
From our family
From our friends
From our employers
From our doctors
From our therapists
From our trainers
From our kids
We Need to Help Ourselves
Easier said than done.
March 2021 – I was in a horrible place mentally and physically.
My daughter was a year into virtual school.
My son was able to attend in-person school, 2.5 days a week, but we were struggling with his big emotions and mood swings.
My husband was in his last year of grad school.
We were home. All. Of. The. Time.
No breaks.
No family nearby to help.
I was in tears every night.
I didn’t want to see anyone except for my immediate family members and closest friends.
One afternoon I completely broke down in my kitchen. Dave was distraught. He didn’t know how to help me.
He couldn’t help me – but he did something even better – he supported me, my safety net, my everything. The one person I can bare my soul to. The one person who will drop everything to give me what I need.
I am a Person First
We cannot be the best person or mother if we are not taking care of ourselves.
We have to be our biggest advocate.
Admitting we need help is one of the strongest things a mother can do – not just for herself but for her kids and partner.
For me personally, help comes in the form of therapy, podcasts, and medication.
Of course, I still workout but fitness doesn’t help me cope with anxiety and stress like it did a few years ago. I needed more. I still need more.
I found a therapist.
I made the decision to take medication.
I became the biggest advocate for myself and my health.
I became a better mother to my children.
A better partner to my husband.
A better version of me.
